the one and only truly amazing katster (katster) wrote,
the one and only truly amazing katster

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sleepy katster cannot sleep...

I don't know what it is about tonight, but I *was* so exhausted. And then I got into bed and I couldn't sleep. it figures.

This seems to be the story of my life as of late. I drag through the days, because lack of sleep usually makes for a tired and fussy katster, and then I nearly fall asleep in my chair in the early evening...finally say to hell with it and try to sleep...and voila.

Of course, it could be my body telling me that I need to do more reading for pleasure, since I've noticed that does have a tendancy to recharge my batteries. I think it's more a thing that I'm just at the moment wanting to be extremely introverted. And of course, it doesn't help that the rest of my week looks something like this...

Tu: Access quiz, MCSE final, java program due
W: Psych quiz, doctor's appointment
Th: Access stuff due, java program due
F: four outstanding cisco chapter tests, all of which I need to outline in my engineering journal.

And *sigh*, I'm just not doing well, still fragile. Tempted to say to hell with it and get the antidepressants anyway, even though I've been trying to fight that notion. But it's still eating at me in the back of my mind. Maybe I need to up my stabilizer dosage. I'm not really sure. I'm not even sure what's going on with me right now. I don't know *where* my mood is these days, which really sucks. When one is manic-depressive, which I am, one *needs* to be aware of where one's mood is all the time. And right now, I'm not sure where it is, which means it could be anywhere. Which is why I suspect the mixed state isn't over, or I'm cycling between moods really extremely rapidly, and fast enough I can't get a hold on it. This is bad, very bad...

stop the world, I wanna get off.

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