July 13th, 2001


too easily entertained.

I am, at times, too easily amused. Anyway, there's a test for personality disorders at http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv. Have fun!

Anyway, this is how it came out. The two that showed up as high can pretty much be explained by the bipolar disorder, but...hey.

Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

I'll have more to say in a bit, this I just found amusing.

cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance sucks.

By that I mean when everything points to one direction, and you know how you're supposed to interact in a circumstance, but things are just wrong. Things are proceeding to spin out of control at a rate previously unknown to me, and it's hard to just hang on and keep riding. But there's a problem here...or rather, there's a few problems, not all of which make easy classification.

But here they are in no particular order.

-Forgiveness does not imply forgetfulness.

I forgave somebody for something when situations were a bit different. I meant it. However, the person which I forgave seems to think that since the situation has changed, my forgiveness implied that I forgot. And thus, that person seems to think that I have forgotten all the past transgressions and anger, and thusly that we can go back to square one.

I am not reliving April. Guess you'll just have to deal with worshipping me from afar, because the sentiments I expressed in those emails are still the way I feel about the whole damn thing. Yeah, maybe it was a misunderstanding, but I don't particularly wanna go through that again. I forgave you for those, but I'm not forgetting. It's over. And just because I forgave doesn't mean that cooler heads have prevailed. It means I've tried to put some of the badness behind me. Just leave it alone and don't pick at that wound.

-I am not my brother's keeper.

Messages as to whether I can stop somebody's behaviour, or looking for another person so they can stop a third party's behaviour irritate the hell out of me. Complaining to me about another person's behaviour doesn't do much good either. What do you expect me to do? If you can't talk them out of it, what makes you think I can?

-Trying to wreck another person's work is not a way to win friends and influence people

I'd go into this, but basically...you're disparaging a lot of people's hard work. Lay off, work within the rules instead of fighting 'em, will ya?


anyway, I'll sleep now. Just what's bothering me. Not that it's gonna change anything, but at least I'm being honest about how I feel.

But, enh, nice guys finish last.
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