September 24th, 2001


Escape from Kabul!

I really need to learn how to land in Microsoft Flight Simulator. I managed to escape from Afghanistan in my Cessna, but when it came time to put my plane safely down in Pakistan...*boom*. So much for making it in one piece.

Today was a better day. I eliminated a few stressors, and that seemed to help somewhat. I'm gonna stay out a bit longer until I'm sure I'm better, because there were a few things that bothered me. The biggest was a simple comparison between my situation and somebody else's that was a bit off. But I'll stay out of that, for fear it's going to upset me again, and I don't need that right now.

The point is, I know my own moods. I know when I might snap and bother people and cause irrepairable damage. And I know, at those points, it's safer for me to get the hell out of Dodge and stay out of town for a while. And thus, my exiles are self-imposed, I come back when I'm up to dealing with people again.. There's a slight difference. And that's that.

Just stepped outside to take the dog potty. The weather's starting to get a chill in the air, the autumn equinox came and went with people still pontificating about the events of September 11th. It's autumn now. And the sky is this black velvet with diamonds interspersed in the fabric. One of the things I like about cooler weather, less smog and guck clogging up the air, and the stars seem oh so much closer.

Reminds me how small and how big I am, at the same time, those stars. Some people get their religious experiences going to church. Me? Give me a big cathederal open to the stars, and I'll be a happy katster.

Unfortunately, that's one of the few bright spots in my life. Death threats and hacking threats are showing up in's feedback, and that bothers me. Are people really that short sighted? Are people really that STUPID? Apperantly so.

Of course, I've got to be careful of branding anybody as stupid simply based on my perceptions, because mine are skewed badly. That's the problem with black mania. You're obviously smart and intelligent and on top of it all...but nobody else is. And of course, you have a short temper in dealing with the unintelligent. At the same time, while you know you're the smartest and most intelligent human being on the planet, that black pit nibbles on your soul. "Are you so sure? Can't let anybody know how imperfect you are. That'll be our little secret, right?" It's a miserable existance being both omnipotent and nothing but human...

But that's enough for tonight, I should really sleep. Ska-ewl in the morning.
  • Current Music
    James Keelaghan - Never Gonna Stop This Train


it can't be m'hornin' again. It just can't.

But it is. Another day where I have to hang on, and go deal with teachers and students. Whee. Not looking forward to that, and I wouldn't go if I didn't have a quiz in psychology or needing to get every extra point I can get in assembler class.

Oh well, we all make sacrifices.
  • Current Music
    Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah

And this fscking miserable day continues...

The next few weeks in terms of my school schedule:

9/27 -- Final exam in Win 2k Pro
9/28 -- Quiz in Powerpoint
10/1 -- First Exam in Assembler
10/3 -- Second Math Exam; Program #2 due in Assembler
~week that nothing much is planned, but knowing my evil teachers...
10/15 -- Class presentation in psychology.
10/15 -- Yay, last day of Excel class hell!

Today has been utterly miserable. I stayed awake in math today, which was good, but that's about the only good thing about this day. And somewhere in this mess, I have to schedule my GRE exam, which means a lot more to me than any of my exams. This would have been hell before, now it's pretty much unbearable with the outside moodswingyness.

I get to psych class, thinking I'm actually prepared. Sometime in the mess that was this weekend, I actually managed to read my psychology book. And then, after I'd keyed definitions on terms (expecting a sort of quiz where she gave us the coping strategy, and we gave her the definition), she turned the tables on us and gave us a bunch of situations, and we're supposed to tell her which coping strategy it is. Argh! And then, as she's going out the door, she lets us know that some of them are supposed to be normal. Of course, with my crappy hearing, I didn't hear her, and so I miss four questions on the test because that was the answer. :P

*sigh* she says we get points for trying. I hope so, I've very rarely been that frustrated with a test or quiz in my life. :P

And in the assembler watch, we got the first program back. I got a 22/25, but that's because Doug misplaced my printout of my console, and I didn't realize he wanted both a header and a prompt. But when he finds my printout, I'll be at a 24/25, and that puts me at a 70/75. Still an A. Hopefully, I can stay in A range on my test and next program, which will at the lowest 183/200, with a third of the points in. Hopefully good things will happen. We'll see. This weekend is going to be a disaster, though, unless I get my act together.

Now, I guess I'd better pay attention, I just noticed that my note taker is not present, nor is her fiancee. I wonder what happened.


  • Current Music
    my teacher's lecturing


grad skewl applications to Berkeley just showed up today! One happy katster!
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy