Today was a better day. I eliminated a few stressors, and that seemed to help somewhat. I'm gonna stay out a bit longer until I'm sure I'm better, because there were a few things that bothered me. The biggest was a simple comparison between my situation and somebody else's that was a bit off. But I'll stay out of that, for fear it's going to upset me again, and I don't need that right now.
The point is, I know my own moods. I know when I might snap and bother people and cause irrepairable damage. And I know, at those points, it's safer for me to get the hell out of Dodge and stay out of town for a while. And thus, my exiles are self-imposed, I come back when I'm up to dealing with people again.. There's a slight difference. And that's that.
Just stepped outside to take the dog potty. The weather's starting to get a chill in the air, the autumn equinox came and went with people still pontificating about the events of September 11th. It's autumn now. And the sky is this black velvet with diamonds interspersed in the fabric. One of the things I like about cooler weather, less smog and guck clogging up the air, and the stars seem oh so much closer.
Reminds me how small and how big I am, at the same time, those stars. Some people get their religious experiences going to church. Me? Give me a big cathederal open to the stars, and I'll be a happy katster.
Unfortunately, that's one of the few bright spots in my life. Death threats and hacking threats are showing up in jihad.net's feedback, and that bothers me. Are people really that short sighted? Are people really that STUPID? Apperantly so.
Of course, I've got to be careful of branding anybody as stupid simply based on my perceptions, because mine are skewed badly. That's the problem with black mania. You're obviously smart and intelligent and on top of it all...but nobody else is. And of course, you have a short temper in dealing with the unintelligent. At the same time, while you know you're the smartest and most intelligent human being on the planet, that black pit nibbles on your soul. "Are you so sure? Can't let anybody know how imperfect you are. That'll be our little secret, right?" It's a miserable existance being both omnipotent and nothing but human...
But that's enough for tonight, I should really sleep. Ska-ewl in the morning.