September 30th, 2001

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musings.

Wow. Just stepped outside, to take the dog potty.

There's a full moon out tonight, so for once I didn't need to turn on the back porch light to make sure she's actually doing her duties. Next month's full moon will be the harvest moon, but this one did enough painting the landscape with the magical silver and greys to amaze me.

Looked up to the sky, my winter buddy Orion is here. Of course this means my summer buddy Scorpio is long gone, but that's a good thing. As Scorpio is my birth sign, the disappearance of it from my nighttime sky means that it's getting awfully close to my birthday. And that it is, in a little under two months.

In three months, this horrible year will be over. The first year of the new millennium kicked me quite nicely in the teeth, and I already know this, no matter how good or bad the remaining three months of 2k1 is.

And yet, despite it all, I'm actually feeling content tonight. It's a far cry from how I felt earlier, and maybe sometime I'll talk about how I felt earlier. Maybe. Waiting is.

The stars make me feel better. Dunno why, they just do. Maybe because it's a justification for my existence. I was put there to record that they once shone, at some point in history, and that nothing is pointless. Maybe I'm gonna make a bright flash in the nighttime sky of some scholars three hundred or four hundred years from now. You never know.

Purpose and direction. We've all got to have bad years to appreciate our good ones, I guess. I've learned a few things from this year, the least of which is that I know I can trust some folks implicitly. I've also learned how to tell when people and situations are bad for me, and to attempt to handle those in productive ways. I've also become a bit more of a writer, for sheer recording of my thoughts here, instead of letting them get away from me. I've learned in some ways not to sweat the small stuff as bad as I used to. I've learned in some ways to cut my losses.

I've learned my truest friends are the ones you're in mutual perpetual debt to. And you honestly don't care, because they're in the same boat. Their balance at the First National Bank of Caring is pretty close to even, because there's perpetually caring running back and forth from two people. if somebody takes out lots of withdrawals in the bank of caring, and don't make their deposits, eventually they're gonna start bouncing checks. And then there are the ones who run up massive credit card debt...but I think I won't go there. Needless to say, they're gnashing their teeth and whining about getting just one more loan...

And I'd never imagined I'd be sitting here right now, for once not really worrying. I mean, there is the things I have to get done...but they're not bothering me. Just completely content at the moment. I'm not Teflon Woman, but I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered.

So, as I watch the Cal Bears suffer through another disappointingly bad season, I am not disheartened. I am disappointed, yes, I was sure this would be our year. But it's just another thing in the progression of the most awful year on record. But the Bears are just a small part of the whole deal.

I'm still here, on this last day of September in the year 2001. I'm still here. And I am small but powerful.
  • Current Music
    Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You
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Awww, hell...why not?

Added a couple to express some frustration at the pollmakers...I'd like to up that in person number, but that's where it's tricky being on the left coast.

Ironically, I've never met either of my two best friends in person, but I'd like to change that very soon now...

I'd also have to agree with twoflower and what he said about this poll.

Number of LJ friends: 37
...whom I've met in person: 6
...whom I've met in person more than once: 2
...whose house I've been to: 2
...who have been to my house: 0
...who have been to my dorm room: 2
...whose precise geographic location I know offhand: 5 (street address)
...whose general geographic location I know offhand: 30 (state and/or country)
...whose first names I know offhand: 28
...whom I've followed/been in touch with for more than 3 years: 16
...who live outside my country: 10
...whose journals I consider myself "addicted" to: all of 'em, I read my friends page religiously. ;)
...whom I've lived with: 0
...who I'd do [under different circumstances than current]: none of your business.
...who I've done: proud to say this is ZILCH. :)

[ack, doh, forgot I WAS at Ship's house once, when she lived in the states]
  • Current Music
    brian-setzer - jump-jive-an-wail
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yay, the wheels fell off my bus.

[Note: This post may deal with things that some of you/many of you consider angst. If you don't want to read angst, then don't read this. I take no reponsibility for your decision to read this. So, if you read this and you don't like angst, I don't want you to go complaining to your friends about what an angsty poster I am, or even worse, how angsty the Jihad posters as a whole are. You Have Been Warned.]

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    Rent - Your Eyes