November 26th, 2001

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sometimes, even with the coolest of techy toys...

...a sticky note sometimes works wonders. There's one pasted to my monitor right now, reminding me to do my psych test in the morning. Hopefully once I get used to having and using the techy toy to remind me of such wonders as assignments and stuff, I'll get more used to checking for things.

Anyway...ergh, frustration. There's this one guy, I've sworn to let him make the first move towards fixing the relationship because my overtures have been swatted down like flies. It does bother me, however, that he doesn't seem to be making the attempt. On the one hand, I tried, it's obvious he'd rather not have anything to do with me, but on the other hand, if we're going to be in situations where we're going to need to interact, being friends would make such interactions not feel so much like I'm being frictioned to death, and would indeed make them more plesant. So it bothers me, but I'm trying not to let it. Yet another one of those annoyances. I admit freely I did my part in fucking it up, but it takes two to fuck up a relationship.

...I really fucked up not knowing what was going on with him. He didn't tell me, it was none of my business. I saw only the outcome, not the sources, and applied Occam's Razor, and came out with the obvious conclusion he was doing this to be a complete and utter jerk. Why do people always confuse compassion with pity? Compassion means cutting the other ground some slack based on the situation, but there's been so many times in the past that I've tried to be compassionate, and get told that the other party "didn't want no pity." And so they don't tell me (or anybody for that matter) what's going on. And if it's a bad situation...well, fuck. Your behaviour is going to change. Compassion means making allowance for that bad situation, to know that this too shall pass and it's not a permanent change.

I don't know. I just know it's partially my fault, and I'm sorry for bleeding all over you, the people reading this. After all, I'm just looking for pity, pulling yet another "poor katster" act... :P

Or not. But it's your call.

I really should go to bed now, I didn't even mean to talk about this now, it's just been bugging me.


o/~ waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come o/~
  • Current Music
    Leonard Cohen - Waiting For The Miracle
god i'm nuts, crazy, weird

Okay, that was a fscking odd dream...

It involved the Taco train, Kevin Smith writing a script about Calc and sandwich.net (which I was apperantly in the script as "Skater"), phen being in my assembler class (it was phen who had talked Kevin into writing the script about Cal in the first place), an entry in some random book defining heft as "phen looking for a book weighter than some vLAN spec to give Amber and Kat once they passed Assembler", and phen was kinda like Jason in some aspects. Oh yeah, and Amber tried to give me a chevron card that had been passed around the nation, Professor Chang (my nutrisci teacher freshman year at Berkeley) being my assembler teacher, and him actually being the dad of my first freshman year roommate. ("You didn't tell me? I spent all that time complaining to you, and you never once said a word?"). And Doug was the assembler teacher too, in a very baffling and odd way. And there was a computer lab in the middle of the swamp. And Frisbee (one of my HS teachers) occupied a computer room outside of our assembler rooms.

Don't ask. I think my head is fucked up.
  • Current Music
    Kathy Mar - Circle Song
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Ah, those wacky spammers...

Eying my soda inbox. all the new messages are spam. But this once caught my eye.

N 831 Nov 26 tophatpub@tiscali. (2941) Earn, $17,039.37 in just a few weeks.

How nice that you can be so precice...

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    amused amused
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new web page.

okay...after a lot of work, I (mostly) completed a project.

the brand new retstak.org is up. Not like it matters or anything, but...I did it...

Comments would be nice or something...
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    working working