February 11th, 2002

dream, thoughtful, quiet

lotsa thoughts tonight

Well. Where to start? There's a lot of things to write about tonight, so I guess I'll start in order. It was an interesting day. My mom's friend dropped the munchkin brigade off at my house this morning and ran to LA to do something important. The munchkin brigade is now sleeping in the living room. This is a bit frustrating because it was all so sudden, and we were kinda imposed on. It's a crazy mess, I'm telling you.

My sis and I stopped by the doctor on the way up. Another bladder infection. The second in three months. My life sucks. At least this time we're hitting it hard before it gets to my kidneys, and I'll be temporarily immune to anthrax again. Yay for Cipro. Not like anthrax is anywhere close to the top of my worries ATM, whoever was doing it seems to have *stopped*, but still...it's amusing.

Then my sister and I went to the movies, where my psych class went to see A Beautiful Mind. It's...wow. That's all I have to say about it. It's a very powerful treatment of mental illness. Very powerful. Go see it. Now if I could see somebody do a movie about manic-depression that's as powerful and as moving and puts you in the mindset of the person with the illness as that movie did with schizophrenia. I...wow. that's definitely going into my collection as soon as it comes out on DVD. And I think I'll prolly buy the book too.

I'm going to have to talk to my psych teacher about doing a research paper on the connections between genius and madness. For example, when I was at UC Berkeley and attending support meetings for manic-depression, I met some of the smartest people on campus. All of them had the same illness as me. It gave me hope to see a chemistry grad student. When I was a junior and struggling along with my thesis, it gave me power to see a senior about to make the walk. All of them having achieved this despite having a defect in brain chemistry that causes them to swing moods uncontrollably. It gave me hope, despite the swinging gate I lived on, that I could do something. And now that I'm much more stable due to better living through pharmaceuticals and a few supportive friends, I can appreciate it even more. Even though I need that bottle of pills to stay stable, it's an improvement. I don't like giving weeks over to the demon.

Which...I'll get that post on being a hypocrite up, prolly tomorrow afternoon/evening. It has a lot to do with why I'm feeling so stable now. And that's why when I stumbled across the song that's in the music blank...I hear somebody's voice. And I remember some of my own reluctance in November/December of last year. Hesitation. Trying not to screw up a good thing. Fear. All of that. Wow.

Anyway. That's just my random thoughts on tonight. G'night LJ world. :)
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nuh, I don't *wanna* go to school...

but I have to. here I go again.

[Edit 10:49 AM. I didn't have to go anyway, class was canceled. I drove all the way out there for nothing. Sucks.]
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