June 10th, 2002

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musing on the nature of Kevin Smith movies...

watched clerks again tonight. (yeah, I now have all of KS's movies except Mallrats on DVD. Ph33r.)

I've always identified with Silent Bob, ever since I first watched Dogma. There's something about the character that sorta feels like me. Like, why the hell does he put up with Jay and that mouth? And the other thing is that Jay comes off as quite stupid, and because of this, both of them get that rap. I don't think Silent Bob is stupid. Hell, look at the profound things he says to Dante in Clerks, and to Holden in Chasing Amy. And some of the stuff that happens in Dogma. No, I don't think Silent Bob is stupid so much as directionless. He's somehow gotten attached to Jay, and since Jay does most all the talking, well, he looks stupid. But he's not.

But tonight I found myself identifying with Dante quite heavily. From Randall getting mad at him for apologizing too much (to which I got a thought of Patrick reminding me of the same thing), to the general "I wasn't supposed to be here today!" It seems to be the story of my life. The timing is always all wrong. I wasn't supposed to be here today, I wasn't supposed to get that email today, dammit, why can't the universe just cooperate with me for once?! And his repeated statements about how the universe just wasn't helping, and how he couldn't initiate change in his life all struck me as a familiar chord.

Why do I always have to justify my image of myself to others? Why am I constantly afraid of change? Why can't I stand up for myself, why do I always seem like an ignorant tounge tied fool when I have to deal with other people?

I wasn't supposed to be here today.

Should be the motto for my fucking life.
  • Current Music
    Enya - A Day Without Rain
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ugh, giant yellow ball of pain...

I need to stop staying up this late. I can see sun. that *sucks*

and sleep dep doesn't help the depression.

Anyway, I'm running away now. G'night LJ world!

o/~ It's very sad to see the ancient and
distinguished game it used to be
a model of decorum and tranquility
become like any other sport
a battleground for rival ideologies
to slug it out with glee o/~
  • Current Music
    Chess - Quartet (A Model of Decorum and Tranquility)
pissed, angry

*frustration*

Yeah, okay, so I loaded up all the aluminum cans. And she's talking on the phone, about how the entire mess in the garage is mine and my sister's fault.

I hate my mom sometimes.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry