November 24th, 2002

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finding one's path.

Been reading through one of the books Ari gave me for my birthday (picking three books off my amazon wish list, but she done chose well.) :) (The book in question is called Finding One's Religion by the Rev. Scotty McLennan (whom, I guess was the inspiration for one one of the characters in Gary Trudeau's Doonesbury, but I do digress). Anyway, I'm not done with this, but I just had this thought that I sorta wanted to share while I was thinking.

While I was reading, and thinking of my own struggles and spiritual crises, and the numerous times I've cried out to a god in which I was only half sure I believed. The "Why, God, why? Why did you put me here to fail, why did you put me here to wrestle with the demons of destruction and despair...why? What good am I, broken and destroyed?"

And I know it had to be in my mind...but...it was just as if I finally got an answer. It went something like this: Silly human, I put you here not to be broken, but to be made whole. And I swear, in some ways...just, whoa...

...it's a bit staggering, and I need to ponder just what this might mean. But I think I suddenly have insight in what the church of my youth meant when they said what it might have meant to be touched by God. At least, at right this moment...

...but whoa. Now let's see how long I can manage to hang onto this insight and build on it. This is my attempt to find my path, yours may be different. More power to you. :)
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