December 31st, 2002

dream, thoughtful, quiet

end of the year stuffle.

my friend tanesmuti asked these questions last year, and I think it would be interesting to see how people answer them this year.

So...

so, what did you learn this year? was it worth it? do you have any regrets?

what hopes, dreams, plans do you have for 2003?

I'll post mine tomorrow, these go in what I traditionally call my "looking forward" post.

[Oh yeah, if you do this in your own journal, link it back to here, willya? I want to see what people have to say.]
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Five things.

Five things that 2002 taught me:

  • I am loveable, and that "I love you" is not necesarily just a playground taunt.
  • That I can survive a semester without going home.
  • I haven't lost the touch of writing papers at the last minute; however, I might want to consider writing them earlier.
  • That I can break ties with people I'd prefer to have little or no contact with.
  • That I can handle a bad situation with poise and effectiveness and advocate for myself.


Five personally significant events of 2002:

  • The whole Halifax trip, meeting zibblsnrt for the first time in person, and finding out how well we meshed.
  • Getting into graduate school, and getting out of my house. I'm never coming back for more than a visit.
  • Learning Java, as much as I want to pull my hair out over it.
  • The time my group kicked it up a notch to get a project complete. Looking back on it, that was the start of a bad depressive cycle, but it felt good to pull that off.
  • Touching the AXE! ...and the entire big game win.


Five things I want to do in 2003:

  • See zibblsnrt again.
  • Meet tanesmuti in person for the first time. Six years is just way too long to go without meeting a friend.
  • Stick my neck on the line, and start making time for writing (both academic and non-academic).
  • Learn to cook more meals at home.
  • Do well academically. Maybe a straight A. possibly even an A+, if I get lucky.


Five things I don't want to do in 2003:

  • Start hating Luns because we're sharing living space. (I've noted the tendancy to become paranoid about roommates, legacy of the Semester from Hell.)
  • Flunk out of grad school or otherwise do poorly.
  • Screw up a good thing I've got going with zibblsnrt
  • Believe that inner critic more than I already do now.
  • Die.


Five people who I'd like to know better in 2003:
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    contemplative contemplative
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Looking back...

I have LJ posts to remind me where I was at this time last year, now.

I wasn't all that happy with 2001, the jackbooted thug. And 2k2 turned out not to be quite as vicious, but he had a tendancy to let me get things mostly in order and then violently yank the tablecloth out from underneath me. If 2k1 was a brutal thug, 2k2 turned out to be more of a malevolent prankster for me. Ups and downs. It's kinda strange.

I'm not sure I'm going to really do the resolutions thing. It's hard remembering to keep up with them, and my success rate was only 50/50, it looks like. But yeah, it was one of those kinds of years.

January was spent trying to define things with Patrick, and the warm glow I was in from that. Although we got upset at one another (over a misunderstanding where I felt hemmed into choosing one friend or another), and after this came the formalization of the relationship we were just hinting about before. The anniversary gets set on the earlier date, though. :)

February is one of my traditional bad depressive months. It showed up late, but when it showed up, *man* was it a doozy. The confluence of a friend suddenly deciding that she wanted nothing more to do with me, and a car accident close to the anniversary of my last one, and a few other factors led to a depression that wouldn't lift until April or so.

March, I don't remember much. Looking over LJ notes, I see I got accepted to grad school, and was otherwise preoccupied with java class. I seem to remember an underlying depression through most of this month, which might explain why I don't remember much of it.

April, I don't remember much of either. I know there was Cal Day, and it was at this point I began to get more animated, because I finally had an out. But otherwise, it's still all a blur. And my psych teacher was being a bitch. She would continue this way through May.

May was trying to get caught up from all the hassle that I'd gotten myself in. I did some of the best and most impossible work I could do, and thus managed to salvage things in most of my classes, but my bitch of a psych teacher wasn't letting it totally happen in that class. Finally, school was over and I could go out.

June was June. It was mainly trying to make it through days with my mother. Don't remember much of importance happening here either, except that the beginnings of the Halifax trip were this month, and that this was my first cross country journey. And celebrating six months with Patrick in person was great.

July: continuation of the Halifax trip. I really had a blast, and I wish I was there and he was here and all that.

August, went to family reunion and back to Berkeley. Kept from killing family members.

September, well, the project from hell, and dealing with Kai, and handling both responsibly...

October: the slide into depression. This month just about killed me. I again don't remember much of it.

November: continued depression, waiting for a manic phase that never came, attempted to keep up with homework, even though none of it was working and it was a pain. Oh yeah, and we FINALLY won a big game and I got to touch the Axe.

December: well, more of the same. Depressed. Trying to pull out of it. Being diligent.

I need to get my mother to get Mr. Flibble out of whatever box he's hidden in.

anyway, more tomorrow on the hopes and dreams of 2003. Happy New Year!
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