February 11th, 2003

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bleh

didn't sleep well last night, and when I was dreaming it seemed to be "wanting to get as close to Patrick as possible but failing miserably"

the first dream there was Luns and I, and I finally got to ride in his car (although I don't think his backseat is that spacious in real life) and we went driving. Now I was tired, so I didn't pay much attention to where he was going, except he wasn't where I was expecting him to go...and we got out of the car, and walk up to the next corner, and the sign has a familiar name for a street, but the street type was wrong. (I think it was Jayden Way or something.) I said, "This is the wrong street." and he goes "Maybe it got changed" and I said "This doesn't look right in general." So we walked a ways, and we came across a couple baseball fields, and I knew it was totally wrong, so I asked him for his map, thinking he had the transit map that was hanging over my bed, and I could find the place on that map. Nope, was a tourist map of just the Halifax side of the harbour. So I looked at him puzzled and asked whether he lived in Halifax or Dartmouth, and he gave me the greatest look of confusion. I said, "Prolly Halifax, that's where Dal is, you're a grad student" and he just looks at me oddly s'more. (Luns is from Toronto originally, and is currently a student at Berkeley here with me).

Anyway, later the dream switched to a courtyard, and there was a locked building, which some part of me said was the place where the folks in #callahans gather. And a person I don't particularly like walked up, and I had the keys to the building, so I offered to let her in and she goes, "Why are you being nice, I thought you hated me." and I kinda shrugged and was about to tell her that I did dislike her, but...and she goes, "You understand why I've been such a pill" and I kinda shrugged, and she said, "I mean about [name], who was also called [name]." and I said I didn't recall names, and she said, "I was raped!" and I got sick of it, so I tried to use my teleportation powers to end up somewhere on the ten line in Halifax and instead ended up with the person I disliked with me, and with the person she named and one of his friends there, and then the phone rang IRL and it was Luns.

And then I spent the rest of that night in that desperate "I so want to be asleep but I can hear everything going on around me even though I'm too tired to open my eyes."

and I have a test today. *sigh*

and I'm still as horribly moodcrashed as I was yesterday, and I'm up early to attempt to study for a test, but I don't know how it's going to go.
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
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I'm doomed

Test this morning, I've read the book (although I so don't *get* chapter 5) and looked over the lecture notes, but I'm going to fail this test.

doomed. bleh
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    blah blah
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that sound you hear is the sound of the gigantic suck.

Yup, that went bad.

Ran just wandered down into the dungeon and poked her book at me and asked, "Did you review this?"

I said, "Yeah", and had to choke down the effort not to say, "...and fat lot of good it did me."

I knew the answer to *one* question, and I knew the answer to that question only from the days when I was Kat, Sysadmin of Glory as opposed to anything I read.

oh why couldn't they have asked anything on real networking? like the OSI model or something...instead they asked things on Java types and that horrific Chapter 5.

[and don't give me any crap about how I'll have done fine. I blew that one and I know it, and anybody saying otherwise is going to come across as trying to make me feel better.]
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    blah blah
scared, trapped

not a people

there are days I don't feel like a people.

today is one of those days.

so i'm going to curl up with Lickerish (my stuffed Lab) and cry into its fur and wish like heck I had my real puppydog to lick the tears away.

maybe then I can just forget that it's februrary, and I for some unknown reason just come completely unglued.

yeah. don't mind me.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
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well

I played softball, and I felt really good once I was done (played in two games because I misread the schedule and the second team needed an extra player in the first game) but now that sinking feeling is setting back in again.

and my thumb hurts from where I got crammed in the hand with a ball.

but that's just it.

I guess to bed now, so I don't have to think too much more about the things that bother me. and my roommate needs to put some WD-40 on her door. *squeak* *squeak*

whee.

but I like softball.
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    okay okay