July 1st, 2003


manic-depression, happy pills, and gaming.

The depression beast is eating at me pretty hard. Not particularly sure why, except that this happens, and the best thing to do is ride it out.

It's been a long enough time since I've mentioned it, and I know there's some new people on my friends list who are reading this. I'm manic-depressive. (Yeah, bipolar.) I unfortunately rarely get manic highs, though, and the meds have done a good job of slamming the door on any hypomania episodes even, so feeling really damned good is right out. And it seems as of late I rarely get them even if I'm being a bad katster and not taking my pills.

The soul-crushing depressions, though...they're lessened a bit if I take my happy pills. It's funny, because I've had so many arguments over the benefits of psychiatric drugs with people. And the funny thing is, I'm fully aware they help and I still stop taking them. And I've been really bad about taking them while I've been at home, and Redding is generally a depressing place to begin with. Add in all the stress of the last month, and while it's really no surprise I've been depressed, it's something I could sorta fix. If I wanted to. The problem is, of course, that I'm not really sure I want to.

I mean, even I get it at times, that taking drugs is weak, and I should be able to fucking bootstrap my way out of depressions without any help at all.

And now I'm thinking about roleplay descriptions of manic-depression, and I recalled that GURPS gets it much closer to right than Palladium does. %) Strangely enough, my current GURPS character is a parapeligic, which is a different perspective, but I find it fairly easy to get into that mindset. (I need to write more on that backstory, I mean, beyond the brief character sketch on the character sheet. And I need to dig back through and find what I need to add to my character sheet in regards to the pink poodles dream scene.)

And that reminds me that I think everybody in my gaming group is on LJ, now that we finally convinced Will (inflection) to get himself an LJ. Ars (phantombelcher), UL (sheeple), and DS (feralscot) don't use theirs anymore, but they're here. Aris (aris_tgd) recently picked back up the habit as a way to dissiminate news. Shad (shadur) and I have been posting fairly regularly. And that's everybody, I'm pretty sure.

Didn't get to play last game, but that's because we kinda need Aris for my next scene, which is the end of the arc. And it's going to be interesting, putting a slightly naive Unitarian and a would-have-been Catholic priest with Weirdness Magnet (and the hacker too, they're going to the costume party as the Elven ring holders in the Lord of the Rings: Nicole as Galadriel, Ellis as Gandalf, Ed as Elrond) in the middle of a sorcerous ritual. this is going to be interesting...

(And I have to admit it was pretty funny when half the channel started LotR fanboying on poor Will, who was trying to GM the game and not get into a discussion about the cool parts of LotR. And one of the funnier moments of the night happened when Nicole (my character) accidentally suggested to Rath (one of the major NPCs, a Cherub of Stone) that he really needed to go see the LotR movie when it came out that winter...) [It dawns on me that this will make absolutely no sense to those of you who don't have a grasp of In Nomine, and to explain would make things very complicated. Needless to say, the setting is very cool, and the mailing list is a blast to read at times, and the line editor (*waves to archangelbeth*) is a hip frood who knows where her towel is.) :)

Yeah, I need to go translate IRC gaming logs into something coherent for other people to read, our campaign has been pretty funny. And because Fractured Fairy Tales needs to be told. (Will set "The Granite Madams Want Snow White's Head" as the topic in our gaming channel during that arc, but I tend to call it by the former name.) As you can tell, this campain is one of the things that is making me happy right now.

Okay, to bed with me, I've babbled enough. :) Sorry this is half coherent, this is how my brain works at 4:30 AM. :)
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