July 27th, 2005

sleepy, awww

whinge

Want to sleep. real estate agents call and then cancel, but it means mom is up and while mom is up, there is no sleep. meh.

dead tired. exhaustion. want to sleep....
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    exhausted exhausted
middle of nowhere, solitude

the complications...

Okay. Since there's a lot of people who don't seem to quite understand why I'm whinging, lemme try to explain it all in a post. Mom and Jill are out at a movie, I should hopefully not get bothered.

Where to begin? Well, let's start with a few basics. Yes. I'm twenty-six years old. I live at home with my parents. Before I get people jawdropping about what a slacker I am -- well, you may be right, but there are circumstances going on here that I have not talked much about. And here goes.

In May 2001, my mother came down with leukemia. By December of that year, the docs had managed to put it in remission, which is where it stayed for two years. Then, during the second year of my master's program, Mom came down sick again. Right at Christmastime. We were officially told on Christmas Eve 2003. Now, the protocol for a relapse of my mom's particular leukemia is a form of arsenic to knock down the leukemia and then a transplant. In this case, it used her own stem cells.

The transplant went swimmingly. Somewhere in there, I also managed to finish my final project for my master's degree, and graduated. But the problem came with the arsenic. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but it has left my mom unable to stand for long periods of time, difficult to walk more than short distances, and utterly unable to drive. So after much discussion, it was decided that I would come home and help take care of Mom for a year and then get on with my life. Which wasn't really that big of a deal. A year I could spare, and well, it was the least I could do to help my family out, right? And besides, maybe things would be different with no Jill around, since Jill seems to always complicate things around here.

...well, at the time, I didn't know Jill was going to flunk out of Davis. Had I known that, I may have done something different. But that's all water under the bridge, y'know? Anyway, this year has been a disaster to begin with, as every plan I seem to make tumbles into disarray. The plan was (after Jill came home) to spend the spring finding a job in Redding and start saving some money to move to wherever zibblsnrt was going to college in the fall, after he graduated from SMU up in Halifax. That's in Nova Scotia, for those of you not in the know.

This plan was thrown into disarray by my dad deciding in January to take a job down in Sacramento. At first, this seemed like a brilliant idea, because when Dad asked about money, the guy said, "Thirty-seven to begin, forty after the probationary period." The problem is, Dad's always been paid hourly, and assumed those numbers were per hour, when the guy meant per annum. Of course, we didn't find this out until after Dad had started the job in Sactown.

Anyway, this blew my spring plans to hell and back because now we needed to get seriously busy packing the house and moving. And that's where most of the stress in the house has been coming from, trying to get four people going in the same direction long enough to move. This is complicated by the fact that Dad spends his week down in Sactown, working. And the garage, when we started this project, looked like something out of a horror flick with crap piled everywhere and stuff we didn't even know we had was out there. Including a hell of a lot of garbage. We spent weeks on that stupid thing trying to get it all done. It's still not done, but it's a hell of a lot better.

Anyway, the short of it is, we're trying to move, get the house patched a bit to sell, and otherwise pack. It's been a massive disaster. Massive. And as the months have passed, Mom's gotten more and more and more stressed. And as she's gotten more and more stressed, she's gotten more and more bitchy. And that's where we are today with the demands and craziness. In the meanwhile, every day the house hasn't sold is another day she goes slightly more batty, so if you know anybody who wants to move to Redding, now's the time to point them here. ;)

Why haven't I moved out already? Finances are the number one reason. I get some money every month, but it feels a lot of the time as if it's spoken for before it's done. And it's not a lot of money. I'm trying to save, but it's hard with everything else. Getting a job would definitely help, but I'm at the point where I don't want to get a job in Redding with a move nearly imminent (once the house is sold, I'm gone) but I can't really get a job in Sacramento because there's nobody down there to live with while I save up some money to get me back out. (Dad currently lives in a trailer behind where he's working, so no, there is nowhere to be.)

Plus, the plans beyond this year have gotten all muddled. My number one goal is to move to where Zibb is, but that's been made more complicated by his decision to take a year off and stay in Halifax (and he lives with his parents, so moving to Halifax is out of the question -- besides, there's immigration hassles to worry about as well.) Then he's either going to be in Toronto or Vancouver (I sorta hope the latter, but it really looks like it'll be the former) and again I have to wonder about immigration hassles. There's a lot of complicated mess in the simple goal of trying to get to where my boyfriend is.

Third, with Mom's health condition, even if I was to have a place to live, I'd feel awkward moving. So here's where I stand. You see why it isn't as simple of a provision as "move out"?

...and even if all that was okay, I'm scared to death about the whole job thing. But I think that's another post in and of itself.

Yeah.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble.
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    The Alan Parsons Project - In the Lap of the Gods