the one and only truly amazing katster (katster) wrote,
the one and only truly amazing katster

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Looking forward.

My own questions (well, okay, tanesmuti's questions, but I nicked them.):

so, what did you learn this year? was it worth it? do you have any regrets?

what hopes, dreams, plans do you have for 2003?

I spent 2002 digging myself out of a hole. I'm stuck at the moment between who I am, and who I want to be, and the person I want to be is so amazing, it scares the person who I am. In 2001, Ari and Patrick both described me as strong, but I swear the universe is out to test my patience.

I mean, some good did happen. I got away from home. (although I'm there right now.) I was able to handle a stressful situation very well (although the stressful situation beyond that snuck up and crushed me.) I'm in a long term relationship, and it might actually end someday with him being the guy that gets me after my dad walks me down the aisle, y'know? Which was probably the high point of the year. I did notice that I've been transferring who I talk to when I get upset from my folks to him, so I hope he doesn't mind too much.

Regrets? I hate writing off people, and I've pretty much written off two. One I really don't want to talk to all that much, and the other whom I will talk to, but am going to spend the spare energy on when he decides to be deliberately hurtful. I should have done better this semester, but that might be the academic perfectionist in me acting up. And I'm sorta regretting not wanting to be on the anti-depressant, but that was my being willful, I think.

As for 2003? I'd like to get to know some of the local folk a bit better, but since I tend to be a loner, I doubt that'll happen. I want to get through a semester without falling prey to my demons of doubt and despair, but again, I've never had one before, so I don't know how they look. I'd like to actually start walking regularly. I'd like to see Patrick again, but I'm not sure if that's going to come off. I'd really like to win the lottery, I'd like to have *money* for once. I'd like the world to get better. If not world peace, then at least world calmness.

And I'm going to pursue therapy, I think. There's a lot of old bottled up hurts that still cause me to start crying with the pain of it. And I'd like to attempt to keep up with alt.callahans, but that's...well, difficult.

So, that's about it. Thoughts?

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