There's a full moon out tonight, so for once I didn't need to turn on the back porch light to make sure she's actually doing her duties. Next month's full moon will be the harvest moon, but this one did enough painting the landscape with the magical silver and greys to amaze me.
Looked up to the sky, my winter buddy Orion is here. Of course this means my summer buddy Scorpio is long gone, but that's a good thing. As Scorpio is my birth sign, the disappearance of it from my nighttime sky means that it's getting awfully close to my birthday. And that it is, in a little under two months.
In three months, this horrible year will be over. The first year of the new millennium kicked me quite nicely in the teeth, and I already know this, no matter how good or bad the remaining three months of 2k1 is.
And yet, despite it all, I'm actually feeling content tonight. It's a far cry from how I felt earlier, and maybe sometime I'll talk about how I felt earlier. Maybe. Waiting is.
The stars make me feel better. Dunno why, they just do. Maybe because it's a justification for my existence. I was put there to record that they once shone, at some point in history, and that nothing is pointless. Maybe I'm gonna make a bright flash in the nighttime sky of some scholars three hundred or four hundred years from now. You never know.
Purpose and direction. We've all got to have bad years to appreciate our good ones, I guess. I've learned a few things from this year, the least of which is that I know I can trust some folks implicitly. I've also learned how to tell when people and situations are bad for me, and to attempt to handle those in productive ways. I've also become a bit more of a writer, for sheer recording of my thoughts here, instead of letting them get away from me. I've learned in some ways not to sweat the small stuff as bad as I used to. I've learned in some ways to cut my losses.
I've learned my truest friends are the ones you're in mutual perpetual debt to. And you honestly don't care, because they're in the same boat. Their balance at the First National Bank of Caring is pretty close to even, because there's perpetually caring running back and forth from two people. if somebody takes out lots of withdrawals in the bank of caring, and don't make their deposits, eventually they're gonna start bouncing checks. And then there are the ones who run up massive credit card debt...but I think I won't go there. Needless to say, they're gnashing their teeth and whining about getting just one more loan...
And I'd never imagined I'd be sitting here right now, for once not really worrying. I mean, there is the things I have to get done...but they're not bothering me. Just completely content at the moment. I'm not Teflon Woman, but I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered.
So, as I watch the Cal Bears suffer through another disappointingly bad season, I am not disheartened. I am disappointed, yes, I was sure this would be our year. But it's just another thing in the progression of the most awful year on record. But the Bears are just a small part of the whole deal.
I'm still here, on this last day of September in the year 2001. I'm still here. And I am small but powerful.