the one and only truly amazing katster (katster) wrote,
the one and only truly amazing katster
katster

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pinned like a bug to a display board...

So I had a therapist appointment today.

I say this as if it was something new, but something interesting did happen. We were talking about my self-esteem issues, and one thing led to another. She asked me to name some of my good traits. I came up with a few. It was hard, though, because sometimes, I'm not entirely sure I *have* good traits. Which is why y'all need to occasionally remind me, y'know -- thick skull and all... :)

...anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself in a very uncomfortable position. She asked me, "Are you smart?" Well, there's only one answer to the question that's right, and the thing is, I *kept* hedging. Because I knew no was the wrong answer, but it was what I felt. And I couldn't bring myself to say yes, because that would be *lying*. Or at least, that's what it felt like in my head.

So yeah, we're gonna start fiddling with cognitive theory. Well, me and my new counselor, this one got another job. Doh, that sucks.

But the point is, I'm not sure I *believe* this cognitive theory stuff. I'm not sure how telling myself what appears to be a bunch of lies will help to make it any more truthful for my head--last I checked, I'm not a Balseraph. ;) And I guess, can somebody try to explain to me just why this works?

Because I'm not sure I see the sense in it.

That said, she said to stop waiting for parents to get their acts together and start doing what I really ought to be doing in order to get myself a job, an apartment, and a car. Because if I wait for parents to get their acts together, I'm going to be living with them when I'm forty.

Last, entirely unrelated, but I have a new icon. jillcaligirl found it:


Yes. B'harnee on a noose. It amuses me greatly.
Tags: bipolar, general life stuff, grumble, who i am
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