Anyway...ergh, frustration. There's this one guy, I've sworn to let him make the first move towards fixing the relationship because my overtures have been swatted down like flies. It does bother me, however, that he doesn't seem to be making the attempt. On the one hand, I tried, it's obvious he'd rather not have anything to do with me, but on the other hand, if we're going to be in situations where we're going to need to interact, being friends would make such interactions not feel so much like I'm being frictioned to death, and would indeed make them more plesant. So it bothers me, but I'm trying not to let it. Yet another one of those annoyances. I admit freely I did my part in fucking it up, but it takes two to fuck up a relationship.
...I really fucked up not knowing what was going on with him. He didn't tell me, it was none of my business. I saw only the outcome, not the sources, and applied Occam's Razor, and came out with the obvious conclusion he was doing this to be a complete and utter jerk. Why do people always confuse compassion with pity? Compassion means cutting the other ground some slack based on the situation, but there's been so many times in the past that I've tried to be compassionate, and get told that the other party "didn't want no pity." And so they don't tell me (or anybody for that matter) what's going on. And if it's a bad situation...well, fuck. Your behaviour is going to change. Compassion means making allowance for that bad situation, to know that this too shall pass and it's not a permanent change.
I don't know. I just know it's partially my fault, and I'm sorry for bleeding all over you, the people reading this. After all, I'm just looking for pity, pulling yet another "poor katster" act... :P
Or not. But it's your call.
I really should go to bed now, I didn't even mean to talk about this now, it's just been bugging me.
o/~ waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come o/~